I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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