I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
