She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
