I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
