I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i barfeds in our rink
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
