i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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