im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
