his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
