flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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