I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
