I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
