Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
