I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
