So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
