The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
