How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
