I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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