it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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