He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
