I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
