It's Friday. Sex?
i love accidental penises.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
