Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
