after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
