Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
