Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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