I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
