after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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