Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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