he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
