That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
