He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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