well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
