Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
