Can i not drive my cunt home
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
