Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
