look no pants
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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