i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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