I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
