so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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