Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
