Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Your penis caused this!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
