Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
