Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
