she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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