dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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