what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
