In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
