We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
