How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
