There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
